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              | 100 in 1000 |  
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Spend a week up a mountain learning to skiVisit Karoline's place in MoraviaHold a conversation in Czech (only)Drink 500ml of each of the following beers:
PilsnerStaroprammenBudvarVelke PopoviceU FlekuGambrinusKrusoviceRespond to at least one GOARN request (WHO and MSF are 
also acceptable)Travel across the AtlanticReturn to South AmericaRead a book to, or with, an impressionably aged childParticipate in one NanoWriMo Challenge and come within at least 10,000 words of the goal lengthHave my nose piercedHave my next tattoo drawnPurchase the perfect jeans (x 2 pairs)Attend a spin class 3 times a week for 8 consecutive weeksBake Viv's cheesecakeMake David's casserole Make David's Chicken Cashew-nut StirfryInvite 4 people who don't know one another too well to dinnerRide from Vienna to Venice on a motorbike (pillion acceptable, those less desirable)Attend a book group for at least two booksGo on a choir weekend (learn and perform difficult piece in two/three days)Visit Madame Tussaud's (in London)Take an architecture appreciation courseJoin an all-girl group and sing a soloPublish in a scientific journal (top two authors)Cook a duck or other 'waterfowl'.Locate the Al-Timimi's from Doha Veterinary PractiseHave a pedicureMaintain a Brazilian (ouch) for three months.Find a trustworthy Czech hairdresserTreat my inner-6-year-old twice a week (at least)Do the liver-cleansing diet properly (12 weeks)Don't eat out for one monthFind a flat and flatmatePurchase one Joseph sweaterPurchase one of the following pairs of 
designer shoes (they MUST also be COMFORTABLE, and be able to be worn with 4 
different outfits and 2 types of occasion): Jimmy Choos, Manolo Blahniks, 
Christian Louboutin (Ebay or 2nd hand are acceptable)Send 5 books to the booksphere and track them.
Go hangglidingRead 10 'classic' books (from 1001 Books to Read before you Die)
Moll FlandersEverything is illuminatedMadam BovaryZen & the Art of Motorcycle MaintainanceCatch-22OdysseusOn the Road 
Run (non-stop!) for 5kms outside (preferably in a street race thingy)Send Christmas Cards on timeMake a collage/mural out of street lights on my wallBuy a bed, build it, and sleep soundly in itGo to AfricaHost an 'event' (classified as and when)Organise a 30th Birthday PartyWear a costumeSing on stageBuy a painting that evokes memories of Prague (cannot involve queues!)Learn a god-damned card game that stays in my memory (other than fish/snap)See sunrise. Be sober. Have woken for it. Excludes months Nov-MarTake a walk and flip coins at each intersectionWin somethingDraft a willTake a roadtripGo to Italy alreadySea Kayak around Abel Tasman Park (NZ)Get plantsTake a train to another Eastern European Destination (accession countries are acceptable) alone preferably.Get UK to give me a provisional motorcyclists license and simultaneously get a 'card' license. Go SCUBA diving again - at least two dives lasting 30mins each. Go to a dentist. *sigh*Do a Czech Wine Trail. And live to tell the taleMake an 'outbreak emergency kit'. Go to bed prior to 11pm every night (inc weekends) for four consecutive weeks.Marvel over lack of tirednessDine at a Gordon Ramsey restaurant (or Nobu)- preferably for free. 
Bet on the nagsDo something for charity (applying and getting a 'red card' will count)Walk along the Champs ElyseeDo 100 sit ups in a rowDo 50 pressups (arms in tight)Make branston pickle (or nearest substitute)Cook something 'new' and 'adventurous' at least once a monthFind a mentorBe a mentorLearn what mentoring is all aboutMeet an online person in real lifeResist the flirt. Once. Just one night. It's okay if people don't immediately succumb to my natural charm. Really it is.Spend time at a spa (spa towns in the CR don't count)Send a care package to someoneGet a Tata Bojs CDTake a French/German/Dutch course and SPEAK THE DAMNED LANGUAGE WHEN I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES ME SOUND 
LIKE AN IDIOT!Order new contact lenses. Make a list of things I take with me when I pack for different occasionsEat lobster. Prepared by someone else. Back up the blogPut everything onto an external hard driveFind a DDR mat and console and 'dance, I say dance!'�Go to the beach and lie on the warm sand. For an hour. (with sunscreen on, natch)Take and complete a course in either: Tango, Salsa or FlamencoJoin the Municipal Library of PragueMove to another country Go to a live concert of a band I actually likePay off debts (student loan excl.)Send thank you cards for every gift I receive (other than the gift of happiness, blah blah blah).Get an agent (literary or theatre)Go to a sports bar without cringing, by personal choiceRide a rollercoasterHold a snakeSpend a day wandering around a museum (not art gallery!) |  | 
              
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                      | I need a shoulder...RIGHT NOW |  
                      | Saturday, 4 February 2006 |  
                      | But in lieu of a REAL person, I'm gonna sob all over the keyboard of this computer, the computer with the OFFICIALLY SLOWEST INTERNET CONNECTION IN THE WORLD (not just in B). Back here for a few hours before we fly to N - the autonomous region of A (look it up). ANd I have a few things to get off my chest. 
 Okay, so we all know that I'm a completely unreasonable demanding bitch, I'll grant that. But...when the internet guy won't come to the hotel at 8pm after I've spent the last 5 hours bouncing over a bloody awful road without a sports bra on, and the reception doesn't CALL to TELL me that he won't be coming to fix the F'ing server for the umpteenth F'ing time, and I stay WAITING in my room for him, I get a little riled.
 
 I also get a little riled when I arrive in a godawful hellhole of a place, where we supposedly have rooms booked, to find that I'm sleeping in the same (smallest) double bed (in the world) with a colleague in a room without a functioning bathroom. Oh. And cockroaches. *shudder*
 
 In fact, the only thing that makes me feel a little better (or worse - depending) is having my plight put entirely into perspective by visiting a refugee camp for internally displaced persons. Oh My God. How can I possibly turn my shoe obsession into something worthwhile for these people, who are absolutely delighted to be living in the kind of conditions that would make most pigs look like monarchs. The mud!!! The lack of running water! And the happiness for roofs. I cried (what a ninny) in the car, and had to make it look like I had something in my eye (got into that whole 'are you okay?' 'yes, I have something in my eye' 'here, let me look' 'er, no thanks, I'll just cry it out...really...it works better...' conversation of the awkwardly lachrymentally overdeveloped) because no one else seemed at all affected.
 
 These people are soooooo proud of their 'dwellings' (to use the cold, impersonal WHO term - though shacks is far more accurate). They are glad that they have a roof over their head while their homes flood with the torrential rain, turning the ground they sleep on into a quagmire (really - I wondered what the incidence of drownings were). They're smiling to have visitors who want to take photos to show colleagues (because really, taking photos for a scrapbook is simply sickening) who couldn't be there since they were touring the hospital. The kids are delighted to have someone to babble to, even if that someone cannot understand, and wears a pair of borrowed shoes that cost more than the kids have for food in a year.
 
 And I'm worried about an internet connection. *sob*
 
 What can I DO???? How do I turn something I love (shoes) which is meaningless and empty (unless they're the pair on my feet) which I DO actually know, into something that helps these people aim higher. That gives them the awareness that they don't have to live/sleep/eat in mud. That they can play with toys other than the rusted shells of cannibalised Lada's, tempting fate with tetanus on an hourly basis (no vaccinations in this part of the world). And have YOU ever seen someone pulling a stick on a piece of string, as you or I might walk a dog?
 
 I think I just had my heart broken.
 
 But back to me: I've discovered why being single really f'ing sucks. Or rather, having no power of attorney or 'someone back home' really sucks. My mobile phone ran out of credit today - because the WHO spent 45mins on a call with me (they couldn't get hold of anyone else in the team) thereby chewing up the remaining E60 that I put on my phone before I left with roaming fees (am gonna have to change to a post-paid account methinks!). Anyway, I thought that darling brother R might be able to help out, and gave him the appropriate numbers and passwords to get into my internet banking to top up my mobile - with sufficient obscurity to protect from unwanted entry. Seems I was overly obscure. PErhaps he didn't know how to spell Memnoch's name. Whichever the reason, we're now both completely locked out until I call with the contract number that I got when I joined the bank. THe one that's in a folder, somewhere in my house - the keys for which are in my bag, in my hotel room here.
 
 *scream*
 
 Screw this mission lark. I'm heartbroken, cold, hungry, tired, dirty, (no shower, and dear god almighty, the 'toilets'...that's a whole 'nother entry) and I wanna go home.
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                      | posted by Nomes @ Saturday, February 04, 2006   |  
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