| 100 in 1000 |
- Spend a week up a mountain learning to ski
- Visit Karoline's place in Moravia
Hold a conversation in Czech (only)- Drink 500ml of each of the following beers:
PilsnerStaroprammen- Budvar
- Velke Popovice
- U Fleku
GambrinusKrusovice
Respond to at least one GOARN request (WHO and MSF are
also acceptable)Travel across the AtlanticReturn to South America- Read a book to, or with, an impressionably aged child
- Participate in one NanoWriMo Challenge and come within at least 10,000 words of the goal length
Have my nose pierced- Have my next tattoo drawn
Purchase the perfect jeans (x 2 pairs)- Attend a spin class 3 times a week for 8 consecutive weeks
- Bake Viv's cheesecake
Make David's casserole Make David's Chicken Cashew-nut StirfryInvite 4 people who don't know one another too well to dinner- Ride from Vienna to Venice on a motorbike (pillion acceptable, those less desirable)
- Attend a book group for at least two books
- Go on a choir weekend (learn and perform difficult piece in two/three days)
- Visit Madame Tussaud's (in London)
- Take an architecture appreciation course
Join an all-girl group and sing a soloPublish in a scientific journal (top two authors)Cook a duck or other 'waterfowl'. Locate the Al-Timimi's from Doha Veterinary PractiseHave a pedicureMaintain a Brazilian (ouch) for three months.Find a trustworthy Czech hairdresser- Treat my inner-6-year-old twice a week (at least)
- Do the liver-cleansing diet properly (12 weeks)
- Don't eat out for one month
Find a flat and flatmate- Purchase one Joseph sweater
- Purchase one of the following pairs of
designer shoes (they MUST also be COMFORTABLE, and be able to be worn with 4
different outfits and 2 types of occasion): Jimmy Choos, Manolo Blahniks,
Christian Louboutin (Ebay or 2nd hand are acceptable)
- Send 5 books to the booksphere and track them.
- Go hanggliding
- Read 10 'classic' books (from 1001 Books to Read before you Die)
Moll FlandersEverything is illuminatedMadam BovaryZen & the Art of Motorcycle MaintainanceCatch-22OdysseusOn the Road
- Run (non-stop!) for 5kms outside (preferably in a street race thingy)
- Send Christmas Cards on time
Make a collage/mural out of street lights on my wallBuy a bed, build it, and sleep soundly in itGo to AfricaHost an 'event' (classified as and when)Organise a 30th Birthday PartyWear a costume- Sing on stage
- Buy a painting that evokes memories of Prague (cannot involve queues!)
Learn a god-damned card game that stays in my memory (other than fish/snap)See sunrise. Be sober. Have woken for it. Excludes months Nov-Mar- Take a walk and flip coins at each intersection
Win something- Draft a will
- Take a roadtrip
Go to Italy already- Sea Kayak around Abel Tasman Park (NZ)
Get plantsTake a train to another Eastern European Destination (accession countries are acceptable) alone preferably.- Get UK to give me a provisional motorcyclists license and simultaneously get a 'card' license.
- Go SCUBA diving again - at least two dives lasting 30mins each.
Go to a dentist. *sigh*- Do a Czech Wine Trail. And live to tell the tale
- Make an 'outbreak emergency kit'.
- Go to bed prior to 11pm every night (inc weekends) for four consecutive weeks.
- Marvel over lack of tiredness
- Dine at a Gordon Ramsey restaurant (or Nobu)- preferably for free.
Bet on the nags- Do something for charity (applying and getting a 'red card' will count)
- Walk along the Champs Elysee
- Do 100 sit ups in a row
- Do 50 pressups (arms in tight)
- Make branston pickle (or nearest substitute)
- Cook something 'new' and 'adventurous' at least once a month
Find a mentorBe a mentorLearn what mentoring is all aboutMeet an online person in real lifeResist the flirt. Once. Just one night. It's okay if people don't immediately succumb to my natural charm. Really it is.Spend time at a spa (spa towns in the CR don't count)- Send a care package to someone
Get a Tata Bojs CD- Take a French/German/Dutch course and SPEAK THE DAMNED LANGUAGE WHEN I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES ME SOUND
LIKE AN IDIOT!
- Order new contact lenses.
Make a list of things I take with me when I pack for different occasions- Eat lobster. Prepared by someone else.
Back up the blogPut everything onto an external hard drive- Find a DDR mat and console and 'dance, I say dance!'�
- Go to the beach and lie on the warm sand. For an hour. (with sunscreen on, natch)
- Take and complete a course in either: Tango, Salsa or Flamenco
- Join the Municipal Library of Prague
- Move to another country
Go to a live concert of a band I actually like- Pay off debts (student loan excl.)
Send thank you cards for every gift I receive (other than the gift of happiness, blah blah blah).- Get an agent (literary or theatre)
- Go to a sports bar without cringing, by personal choice
- Ride a rollercoaster
- Hold a snake
Spend a day wandering around a museum (not art gallery!) |
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| Spring Cleaning |
| Monday 1 May 2006 |
Listening to: Life for Rent by Dido - en route from Madrid to Granada by slow train...
So it´s been nearly a year since I broke up with my ex. For some reason, this has been playing in my mind in the last few days - plaguing my dreams it would appear.
At first, it was a dream about how he got together with my lil sis Rach (I know! Scandalous!) while we were still together - during Les Mis rehearsals. Ridiculous, and completely untrue - but the dream was all about me confronting him about the situation. I woke up feeling betrayed (couldn't tell whether more by him or her) and slightly nauseous (no offense to either party!).
Next up was a dream about being generally discarded - allowed to fall by the wayside of other people's lives (D was the example in this dream). In this dream, I sat down with D and explained that I felt he'd simply stopped caring about me, my future, and more importantly, my future with him. The fact that he immediately segued into the next relationship - with someone I consider entirely unsuitable (I mean, I still fail to see what they have in common - other than love of musicals and alcohol) felt like a slap in the face of our relationship, especially considering the intimacies we'd shared (dreams and ideas - we're not talking karma sutra here - my Dad still occasionally reads this!). I woke up from that one just feeling sad again.
Very weird dreams, I'm not entirely sure what my subconscious is trying to tell me. None of these thoughts have filtered into my conscious mind over the past year - so why have they taken so long to bubble up from the murky, swamp like recesses of my brain (eyes being windows etc. and mine resolutely muddy pond coloured!).
So yeah. Spring cleaning of the brain while on holiday: I guess travelling in May allows me an excuse to be painfully introspective for a period each year. Last year, I was too exhausted and excited to be introspective. Yes, there's the 'accounting' period at Christmas/New Years, but when do you actually have time to seriously dwell on your mistakes, your judgements and your plans etc if not around your birthday on holiday in a foreign clime. It's the closesy thing to 'home' I have (my head) so it must be spring cleaning.
Maybe that's what the dreams are all about. Or maybe I'm concerned about the cats (D?? Fill me in!! What's happening with them?). Or - perhaps it's the $700 fine I'm being taken to court (in NZ!!) for that I have no idea about (till the summons arrived at the Vicarage and were opened by Geoff!).
Was briefly considering heading to Aus/NZ next year around this time, but frankly, if Lira's not in Wellington for whatever reason, there doesn't seem much point (sorry Altos - am gonna have to meet you elsewhere instead!). It might be more worth my while to take a holiday to Buenos Aires - get some tango and spanish language lessons in a few weeks. Or a gastronomy tour (by bike, natch!) through France? This does appear to be a good time (of year) for travelling, and as I have no monetary goals (except, it would appear, fine-paying!) to save for - why not make it something to really plan and look forward to? On the other hand, perhaps if I get off my arse and get back to writing the novel, I'll have rewrites to do that could take three weeks, and my Czech language would improve immeasurably if I took myself off to a small village outside of Prague tp yake care of those...?
In general, I admit it: I'm happy with my demeanor. I'm an okay person (in my completely unbiased opinion). However, I've (today) realised (or admitted to myself) what it is I don't like about heights. It's not the height. I'm not scared of falling. I'm scared of the desire I feel, the near-compulsion to throw myself OFF the 'whatever-it-is-I'm-standing-on'. I tell myself I'm looking over the edge for exposure therapy, but I ALWAYS have to tell myself that the internal desire to 'see if I could make it' or 'feel what it's like' is INSANE and keep hold of the railing - not to maintain balance, but so that I can't hook my legs over the ledge and feel 'more'.
(I hope I'm never high on angel dust)
So this desire to 'fly' (or momentarily plunge towards an awfully crunchy experience!) translates into a wish for hanggliding - never for parachuting (oddly).
But anyway, this makes me curious as to my internal drives and motivations. We all know what a classic 'type A' I am: always striving to do 'more', to be 'better', to reach some ill-defined goal (hell, even defined goals!). Well, that, by sheer existance, indicates that I'm never going to be satisfied with what IS - that I'm living for the ever-unattainable future.
How do I stop doing that? How can one learn to acept what is, and be happy with it? How do you change your disposition so completely that you go from a 'how long till we get there' person to a 'how cool is THIS scenery?' person?
I think all of these are reasons why I run a million trillion miles when I meet someone potentially worthwhile spending time with: they'll always betray me, discard me and generally move on, so it's a lot more pleasurable for me to imagine the good times, the fun that MIGHT have happened, the mischief we MIGHT have gotten up to had I made an effort to not be so terrified of the eventual rejection.
ANd this is why it's safer to live inside my head, murky swamp though it may be. Just call me Shrek, and be glad I'm the only hero I need.
Right? |
posted by Nomes @ Monday, May 01, 2006   |
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| 1 Comments: |
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I get that feeling of wanting to throw myself of high things too! I don't know if that will make you think it's more or less mad though ;). I think it's partly a lingering childish reaction, like when mum says "don't touch, it's hot" everyone has to touch the saucepan once, just to see. I find myself torn between the "just to see what it's like" childlike wonder (at the power of gravity?) and "but you'll die" grown-up sensibility. So far the latter has won...
As for becoming a "how cool is this scenery" person ... I think it's called nirvana. Takes a long time to get there I've heard. Still it's a journey worth starting on. Maybe by actually getting the phone number of the next nice Dane you meet ;).
Hugs, Mark.
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I get that feeling of wanting to throw myself of high things too! I don't know if that will make you think it's more or less mad though ;). I think it's partly a lingering childish reaction, like when mum says "don't touch, it's hot" everyone has to touch the saucepan once, just to see. I find myself torn between the "just to see what it's like" childlike wonder (at the power of gravity?) and "but you'll die" grown-up sensibility. So far the latter has won...
As for becoming a "how cool is this scenery" person ... I think it's called nirvana. Takes a long time to get there I've heard. Still it's a journey worth starting on. Maybe by actually getting the phone number of the next nice Dane you meet ;).
Hugs, Mark.