The Adventure Continues...

Rants, raves and random observations from an itinerant epidemiologist.

 
100 in 1000
  1. Spend a week up a mountain learning to ski
  2. Visit Karoline's place in Moravia
  3. Hold a conversation in Czech (only)
  4. Drink 500ml of each of the following beers:
    1. Pilsner
    2. Staroprammen
    3. Budvar
    4. Velke Popovice
    5. U Fleku
    6. Gambrinus
    7. Krusovice
  5. Respond to at least one GOARN request (WHO and MSF are also acceptable)
  6. Travel across the Atlantic
  7. Return to South America
  8. Read a book to, or with, an impressionably aged child
  9. Participate in one NanoWriMo Challenge and come within at least 10,000 words of the goal length
  10. Have my nose pierced
  11. Have my next tattoo drawn
  12. Purchase the perfect jeans (x 2 pairs)
  13. Attend a spin class 3 times a week for 8 consecutive weeks
  14. Bake Viv's cheesecake
  15. Make David's casserole
  16. Make David's Chicken Cashew-nut Stirfry
  17. Invite 4 people who don't know one another too well to dinner
  18. Ride from Vienna to Venice on a motorbike (pillion acceptable, those less desirable)
  19. Attend a book group for at least two books
  20. Go on a choir weekend (learn and perform difficult piece in two/three days)
  21. Visit Madame Tussaud's (in London)
  22. Take an architecture appreciation course
  23. Join an all-girl group and sing a solo
  24. Publish in a scientific journal (top two authors)
  25. Cook a duck or other 'waterfowl'.
  26. Locate the Al-Timimi's from Doha Veterinary Practise
  27. Have a pedicure
  28. Maintain a Brazilian (ouch) for three months.
  29. Find a trustworthy Czech hairdresser
  30. Treat my inner-6-year-old twice a week (at least)
  31. Do the liver-cleansing diet properly (12 weeks)
  32. Don't eat out for one month
  33. Find a flat and flatmate
  34. Purchase one Joseph sweater
  35. Purchase one of the following pairs of designer shoes (they MUST also be COMFORTABLE, and be able to be worn with 4 different outfits and 2 types of occasion): Jimmy Choos, Manolo Blahniks, Christian Louboutin (Ebay or 2nd hand are acceptable)
  36. Send 5 books to the booksphere and track them.
  37. Go hanggliding
  38. Read 10 'classic' books (from 1001 Books to Read before you Die)
    1. Moll Flanders
    2. Everything is illuminated
    3. Madam Bovary
    4. Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintainance
    5. Catch-22
    6. Odysseus
    7. On the Road
  1. Run (non-stop!) for 5kms outside (preferably in a street race thingy)
  2. Send Christmas Cards on time
  3. Make a collage/mural out of street lights on my wall
  4. Buy a bed, build it, and sleep soundly in it
  5. Go to Africa
  6. Host an 'event' (classified as and when)
  7. Organise a 30th Birthday Party
  8. Wear a costume
  9. Sing on stage
  10. Buy a painting that evokes memories of Prague (cannot involve queues!)
  11. Learn a god-damned card game that stays in my memory (other than fish/snap)
  12. See sunrise. Be sober. Have woken for it. Excludes months Nov-Mar
  13. Take a walk and flip coins at each intersection
  14. Win something
  15. Draft a will
  16. Take a roadtrip
  17. Go to Italy already
  18. Sea Kayak around Abel Tasman Park (NZ)
  19. Get plants
  20. Take a train to another Eastern European Destination (accession countries are acceptable) alone preferably.
  21. Get UK to give me a provisional motorcyclists license and simultaneously get a 'card' license.
  22. Go SCUBA diving again - at least two dives lasting 30mins each.
  23. Go to a dentist. *sigh*
  24. Do a Czech Wine Trail. And live to tell the tale
  25. Make an 'outbreak emergency kit'.
  26. Go to bed prior to 11pm every night (inc weekends) for four consecutive weeks.
  27. Marvel over lack of tiredness
  28. Dine at a Gordon Ramsey restaurant (or Nobu)- preferably for free.
  29. Bet on the nags
  30. Do something for charity (applying and getting a 'red card' will count)
  31. Walk along the Champs Elysee
  32. Do 100 sit ups in a row
  33. Do 50 pressups (arms in tight)
  34. Make branston pickle (or nearest substitute)
  35. Cook something 'new' and 'adventurous' at least once a month
  36. Find a mentor
  37. Be a mentor
  38. Learn what mentoring is all about
  39. Meet an online person in real life
  40. Resist the flirt. Once. Just one night. It's okay if people don't immediately succumb to my natural charm. Really it is.
  41. Spend time at a spa (spa towns in the CR don't count)
  42. Send a care package to someone
  43. Get a Tata Bojs CD
  44. Take a French/German/Dutch course and SPEAK THE DAMNED LANGUAGE WHEN I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY EVEN THOUGH IT MAKES ME SOUND LIKE AN IDIOT!
  45. Order new contact lenses.
  46. Make a list of things I take with me when I pack for different occasions
  47. Eat lobster. Prepared by someone else.
  48. Back up the blog
  49. Put everything onto an external hard drive
  50. Find a DDR mat and console and 'dance, I say dance!'�
  51. Go to the beach and lie on the warm sand. For an hour. (with sunscreen on, natch)
  52. Take and complete a course in either: Tango, Salsa or Flamenco
  53. Join the Municipal Library of Prague
  54. Move to another country
  55. Go to a live concert of a band I actually like
  56. Pay off debts (student loan excl.)
  57. Send thank you cards for every gift I receive (other than the gift of happiness, blah blah blah).
  58. Get an agent (literary or theatre)
  59. Go to a sports bar without cringing, by personal choice
  60. Ride a rollercoaster
  61. Hold a snake
  62. Spend a day wandering around a museum (not art gallery!)
Spring Cleaning
Monday, 1 May 2006
Listening to: Life for Rent by Dido - en route from Madrid to Granada by slow train...

So it´s been nearly a year since I broke up with my ex. For some reason, this has been playing in my mind in the last few days - plaguing my dreams it would appear.

At first, it was a dream about how he got together with my lil sis Rach (I know! Scandalous!) while we were still together - during Les Mis rehearsals. Ridiculous, and completely untrue - but the dream was all about me confronting him about the situation. I woke up feeling betrayed (couldn't tell whether more by him or her) and slightly nauseous (no offense to either party!).

Next up was a dream about being generally discarded - allowed to fall by the wayside of other people's lives (D was the example in this dream). In this dream, I sat down with D and explained that I felt he'd simply stopped caring about me, my future, and more importantly, my future with him. The fact that he immediately segued into the next relationship - with someone I consider entirely unsuitable (I mean, I still fail to see what they have in common - other than love of musicals and alcohol) felt like a slap in the face of our relationship, especially considering the intimacies we'd shared (dreams and ideas - we're not talking karma sutra here - my Dad still occasionally reads this!). I woke up from that one just feeling sad again.

Very weird dreams, I'm not entirely sure what my subconscious is trying to tell me. None of these thoughts have filtered into my conscious mind over the past year - so why have they taken so long to bubble up from the murky, swamp like recesses of my brain (eyes being windows etc. and mine resolutely muddy pond coloured!).

So yeah. Spring cleaning of the brain while on holiday: I guess travelling in May allows me an excuse to be painfully introspective for a period each year. Last year, I was too exhausted and excited to be introspective. Yes, there's the 'accounting' period at Christmas/New Years, but when do you actually have time to seriously dwell on your mistakes, your judgements and your plans etc if not around your birthday on holiday in a foreign clime. It's the closesy thing to 'home' I have (my head) so it must be spring cleaning.

Maybe that's what the dreams are all about. Or maybe I'm concerned about the cats (D?? Fill me in!! What's happening with them?). Or - perhaps it's the $700 fine I'm being taken to court (in NZ!!) for that I have no idea about (till the summons arrived at the Vicarage and were opened by Geoff!).

Was briefly considering heading to Aus/NZ next year around this time, but frankly, if Lira's not in Wellington for whatever reason, there doesn't seem much point (sorry Altos - am gonna have to meet you elsewhere instead!). It might be more worth my while to take a holiday to Buenos Aires - get some tango and spanish language lessons in a few weeks. Or a gastronomy tour (by bike, natch!) through France? This does appear to be a good time (of year) for travelling, and as I have no monetary goals (except, it would appear, fine-paying!) to save for - why not make it something to really plan and look forward to? On the other hand, perhaps if I get off my arse and get back to writing the novel, I'll have rewrites to do that could take three weeks, and my Czech language would improve immeasurably if I took myself off to a small village outside of Prague tp yake care of those...?

In general, I admit it: I'm happy with my demeanor. I'm an okay person (in my completely unbiased opinion). However, I've (today) realised (or admitted to myself) what it is I don't like about heights. It's not the height. I'm not scared of falling. I'm scared of the desire I feel, the near-compulsion to throw myself OFF the 'whatever-it-is-I'm-standing-on'. I tell myself I'm looking over the edge for exposure therapy, but I ALWAYS have to tell myself that the internal desire to 'see if I could make it' or 'feel what it's like' is INSANE and keep hold of the railing - not to maintain balance, but so that I can't hook my legs over the ledge and feel 'more'.

(I hope I'm never high on angel dust)

So this desire to 'fly' (or momentarily plunge towards an awfully crunchy experience!) translates into a wish for hanggliding - never for parachuting (oddly).

But anyway, this makes me curious as to my internal drives and motivations. We all know what a classic 'type A' I am: always striving to do 'more', to be 'better', to reach some ill-defined goal (hell, even defined goals!). Well, that, by sheer existance, indicates that I'm never going to be satisfied with what IS - that I'm living for the ever-unattainable future.

How do I stop doing that? How can one learn to acept what is, and be happy with it? How do you change your disposition so completely that you go from a 'how long till we get there' person to a 'how cool is THIS scenery?' person?

I think all of these are reasons why I run a million trillion miles when I meet someone potentially worthwhile spending time with: they'll always betray me, discard me and generally move on, so it's a lot more pleasurable for me to imagine the good times, the fun that MIGHT have happened, the mischief we MIGHT have gotten up to had I made an effort to not be so terrified of the eventual rejection.

ANd this is why it's safer to live inside my head, murky swamp though it may be. Just call me Shrek, and be glad I'm the only hero I need.

Right?
posted by Nomes @ Monday, May 01, 2006  
3 Comments:
  • At 11:10 am, May 01, 2006, Blogger mx said…

    Poor Nomes - I wish I was posting you some damn fine chocolate cake with a big message inside that says "we love you, it'll be ok". I know what you mean about the murky swamp (for me its more like homemade vegetable soup)in the mind, and how things (like barley?) can float by you and leave you feeling sad and uncertain. Switch off the Dido, though, man. She (and Bic Runga, Thom York and Coldplay) are not the best when feeling like this. Maybe it *is* time you took a trip to Aus to hang out with the folks. Life overseas (new job, people, culture, location) can be stressful (I mean, this is MAX change), despite all the excitement it brings. I'd seriously consider taking another kind of holiday - head out to Oz, sift around with the family, and Do Nothing for a couple of weeks. That way you can deal with the swamp murk from a greater position of strength, where your BAU isn't likewise throwing up stuff, and you can sit down and confront things head on. And would you *really* want to be a hero? That lycra is *SO* seventies ;) Take care, Nomes - BIG hugs.

     
  • At 1:36 pm, May 01, 2006, Anonymous Mark said…

    I get that feeling of wanting to throw myself of high things too! I don't know if that will make you think it's more or less mad though ;). I think it's partly a lingering childish reaction, like when mum says "don't touch, it's hot" everyone has to touch the saucepan once, just to see. I find myself torn between the "just to see what it's like" childlike wonder (at the power of gravity?) and "but you'll die" grown-up sensibility. So far the latter has won...

    As for becoming a "how cool is this scenery" person ... I think it's called nirvana. Takes a long time to get there I've heard. Still it's a journey worth starting on. Maybe by actually getting the phone number of the next nice Dane you meet ;).

    Hugs, Mark.

     
  • At 12:05 am, May 02, 2006, Blogger Mums said…

    Hi GNomes,
    I wrote this long comment yesterday, but the blog or the computer, likely the latter, wouldn't accept it, so I've now got to try and remember my pithy bon mots to reiterate them!
    I used to have similar feelings around about my birthday, but then you came along, and your birthday being so close to mine I was unable to indulge in them - having a child who has needs for today yesterday and tomorrow destroys one's ability to dwell in one's head.
    Never fear I found another date to use as a ponder date. And what better time of year for mental house cleaning than ones' own birthday. At least it shows that you are an "up" person, since you don't allow this sort of inward thinking to drag you down for the whole year, merely a week or so (or a few days in truth). There are those who suffer from this, or appear to, for the whole year. So give yourself some slack - it is allowed to ponder the meaning of life.
    As to coming to Oz, you know we'd love to have you here, though Gladstone is hardly a metropolis. But if you want to just gleg, then it's the perfect place. We might even be able to try and drown you on the GBR - which may give us enough incentive to get the diving gear out again. Perhaps you could get Liorah to meet you here, and then the pair of you could frighten the population of Gladstone (all 26000 of them) with whatever it is that you two get up to - I don't NEED to know....
    Anyway, daughter dear, I'm glad you are well, if introspective at the moment. But as the adage says, what don't kill you makes you stronger, so it's a certainty that you will arrive through this period as a stronger person - it's called growth.
    I'm looking forward to catching up with you in the northern summer - I'm hoping your dates won't clash too badly with the family gathering, and that there will be a weekend for us in Prague.
    Speak to you when you get to your r.
    Love, Mums

     
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