Not sure what it is right now (PMS/brain tumour are two hypotheses) but I’m feeling disconnected. Not discombobulated (no matter how much you like saying the word) but disconnected.
Like, say, a satellite. I feel as though I was launched a year and a bit ago, into space. And since then, I’ve been trying as hard as I can to report my exact coordinates, but they keep changing. So instead, I’ve been trying to report my coordinates in relation to other satellites (or planets, depending on their gravity) and it’s not working. Some satellites merely blink out (or crash land in, say, the dark continent), while other planets have planetary wobbles (or bypass surgeries).
So just when I thought I’d gotten a good handle on where I exist, in which plane/dimension/space and time, my bearings change.
And I can’t be sure what’s going to happen to me in the future, or what my reason for existence is. Am I there just to tour merrily around space, taking photos of ‘stuff’, sending it back in the vein hope that someone else appreciates it? Or am I to be crashed into the surface of some planet, to serve as a warning for others?
Where is the string in the theory? Why isn’t it holding and supporting me? What does one do to get string?
Or am I just making amountainous analogy out of molehill news items and a weird inner-feeling from having been uncharacteristically ‘anxious’ for the last two weeks?
(maybe I’m a piece of driftwood instead, though, not being overburdened with thousands of sensors, I think a piece of driftwood has less likelihood of developing a ‘short’ that gives it ‘recognition of self’…so I’m gonna stick with the satellite analogy for the time being)
Today, *shock horror*, someone smelt NICE on the tram. That gives credence to the brain tumour theory.
P.S. Yep, back to boring you with writing about ME, since Dad has had his two bypasses (bypassii?) and is currently languishing in ICU recovery awaiting the removal of the tube from his trachea. Hoorah! Thanks for all your messages of support, I appreciate it more than you're likely to be aware. Although it does have a tendency to bring out the maudlin side of my self-pity: see above.