Leg 1: Taxi from Veyrier du Lac to Geneva airport Leg 2: Queue for days to check my red and black, newly fixed, backpack into the underbelly of the plane. Leg 3: Discover that the ONLY watch I’m going to be happy wearing costs 650E, and was (thankfully) ‘out of stock at the airport’. Leg 4: Wait, interminally (ha ha, airport joke) for my plane to arrive from somewhere. Leg 5: take off to Munich, VERY late – due to arrive at gate H21. Plan strategy with air stewardess for dashing from H21 to H22 in minimal time…where the flight to Belgrade was waiting… Leg 6: taxi towards H21 in Munich. Wave to the people taxiing FROM H22 in Munich. Leg 7: head towards service centre. Leg 8: head towards service centre on the OTHER side of the airport after finding the first one closed. Leg 9: speak to agent at desk 4. Leg 10: speak to agent at desk 10. Discuss the options of arriving in Belgrade at midnight….or ‘maybe before that, if we rush’, and with the instructions “you’ll have to check in at the next airport”. Hmmm…. Leg 11: mentally whisper ‘farewell’ to my bag, my toiletries, my toothbrush. Leg 12: leg it to Gate G48. Leg 13: remove all electronic componentry from backpack. Dump in blue bin. Drink a litre of water (didn’t expect to have to go through security again after having been within the ‘airside’ zone of airports since 10:30am – silly me). Walk through gate. Leg 14: develop need to pee. Beep loudly. Leg 15: be swooshed by the magic wand of beep. Remove belt. Remove shoes (that didn’t beep at Prague or Geneva airport). Curse the Germans (quietly, and excluding Andreas). Leg 16: retrieve shoes. Relace. Repack. Redress. Regain modicum of dignity. Head to gate. Leg 17: arrive second to last, and yet wait on bus under the armpit of smelly man. SMS taxi driver who’s collecting me from the airport with flight changes. Send sms in Czech AND English to be smart. Leg 18: bus across town (MOTORWAY!?) to tiniest plane on planet (Dad could fly this sucker. Hell, I could probably fly the damned thing – with a remote control!). Leg 19: sit with knees under chin en route to Zurich (yes, very close to Geneva, glad you noticed). Leg 20: arrive in Zurich, ask ground staff in halting French (why? I don’t know, I thought I’d like to add a communication aspect to my multifactorial problem) whether they thought I’d have to go collect my bag BEFORE checking in (i.e. go ‘public side’) Leg 21: roll up at the Zurich transfer desk (airside) with unaccountable tears slowly trickling down face. Leg 22: under strict instructions to “pull it together, Nomes!” ask the kind lady whether I needed to leave the airport to check-in, and whether my bag was in the same hemisphere as me. Leg 23: be checked in on the “last seat on the plane” and make way to gate. Leg 24: take train. Leg 25: go up longest escalator in world, having previously checked gate number to ensure was on correct side… Leg 26: turn around, go back, due to correct side being closed as plane already boarding. Leg 27: approach security check (!?!?!?!?!). Ask whether they knew if my gate had closed or not. Be informed (in a very brusque manner, possibly matching my own) that ‘we don’t know’. Strip. Empty bag. Drink yet another 500mls of water (still no toilet stop…starting to walk cross-legged). Leg 28: reclothe. Repack. Re-wish all airport security staff would curl up in a hole and die. Especially the one who told me I couldn’t put my shoes on on the counter, which was where they were sitting moments previously having been X-rayed. Just explain to me the logic, and I’ll be happier. Don’t HAVE any logic, and I get annoyed. Leg 29: bolt to gate E46. Leg 30: skid to halt in front of desk and ask whether they can track my belongings. Find out that my belongings are ‘on their way’. 5mins later (queue), be informed that they ‘probably won’t make it’ and I’ll ‘have to file a report in Belgrade. Leg 31: Enter plane. Sit next to crazy old lady who reads from a Russian prayer book and does the sign of the cross backwards (freaky) as she takes her first flight. Leg 32: hold her hand for takeoff. Labels: Rant, Travelling |
