One of the things about having lived the life I've lived (dear god, I sound as though I'm writing my own autobiogr...wait...I am!) is that it's been full of many "sliding doors" moments, some of them were even of my own choosing.
This seldom actually occurs to me, I try to keep myself so preoccupied with living life that I run out of time (or sober moments) for retro(intro)spection. However, I'm currently reading a book called "The Invisible Girl". It's about a young woman, from a broken home, who developed her talents for comedy so well that she was writing for the BBC at 14, and a permanent staff (for things like Spitting Image et. al.) writer at 17! Insane. The level of control she maintained on her life extended to her consumption of nutrients, and, eventually, she died at 26 when her heart failed - having lived with anorexia nervosa for many, many years. Her name was Deborah A Barham.
Anyway. Despite her life not, in any way, resembling mine, I find myself wondering exactly what would have happened had we not moved across the world when I was 6, to an unfriendly, unwelcoming triplet of islands in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Would my sense of humour have developed differently? Would I have actually honed and developed my writing 'talent' (okay, wannabeness-esque-ocity) and entered many competitions as the precocious child I was? Or would I have simply "given up" as I did in my new home, knowing that my attempts were ill-desired and ill-recieved at school? Would I have pursued a career in something that meant I would have an opportunity to actually stay at home for more than 2 consecutive weeks, sleeping in my own bed? Or would I have gone the art route, would I have taken my love of melodrama to stage schools? RADA? Would I be a different person, or would I be the same person with a different life? Would I be as unfulfilled as I currently feel? Or would I have my own family by now, an acceptable career and a pension plan? (or at least, enough cash to pay my tax bill at the end of the year). Would I have a lover who challenged and supported me in equal measure? Would I, at least, be thin?
Who would I be? All terribly interesing questions to ponder, to distract myself from the usual 'who am I?'. |